Mat Lock
Bianca, it's great to have you here. Welcome to the podcast. How are you doing?
Bianca Thomas
I'm doing really well. I'm glad to be here.
Mat Lock
Thanks. Now, let's kick off. Maybe you could just tell us a little bit about yourself where you are in the world. What it is you do to pay the bills and to have some fun in life. But yeah, it's out there.
Bianca Thomas
Absolutely. So I live in the United States, I live in Massachusetts. I currently work as a cognitive behavioral therapist, and I'm also a success coach. I am the co founder and CEO of a company called evolve ventures tech. It also is a podcast. And that's how I was able to connect with you today and get this podcast episode started.
Mat Lock
Yeah, absolutely. And I'm really, really excited to bring this conversation to, to our audience. Whereabouts in the States. Are you heard of interest?
Bianca Thomas
I live in Massachusetts. So I live on the east coast.
Mat Lock
Cool. So the so the time zones aren't that user friendly, but I appreciate you making it know, I'm a cognitive behavioral therapist, before we dive into your story, just if you could perhaps help the audience anchor themselves around what that actually means.
Bianca Thomas
Yeah, absolutely. So cognitive behavioral therapy, it's a it's a newer, brand newer form of psychology. And I think it came out in, it started getting pretty popular in the 80s, I believe. And what it is, is, it looks at how our thoughts, our emotions, and our behaviors actually all tie in together to really form our experience of life. And what a cognitive behavioral therapist does, is they take their clients, and they really start to understand, you know, how are you thinking about the things that you're experiencing? How does that impact how you feel? And what you do? And how does the combination of that determine the beliefs that you develop, you know, about yourself, about the world, and about other people, because what so many of us don't understand is that we are governed, and we are living our lives based on these belief structures that we carry. And a lot of them are unconscious, we don't realize that we have them, and we don't realize the impact that they're making, on our day to day life and on our functioning.
Mat Lock
Yeah, thank you. And so I guess, obviously, you're working with your clients, and using CBT, to help them dig into their own lives. And I guess, make sense of and understand and maybe be at peace with it, and help them to live a fuller life as a result of all of that. So before we talk about some of the results, and some of the techniques that you use, I mean, I'm, I'm guessing, therefore, that you have a very clear understanding of your own life journey so far. And I've reflected on some of the major milestones that that you've gone through and would love for you to share what you're happy to wear this event, your your story.
Bianca Thomas
Absolutely. My story is a little intense, and it's it's kind of long, so bear with me. But I grew up as that as that kid who really just felt very misunderstood. I did not feel loved by my family, I was the quote unquote, black sheep, or the outcast. And it really shaped how I thought about myself, and how I interacted in the world. And I was really angry kid, you know, I, I was pretty violent, I was aggressive, I would shout a lot. And, you know, I just I didn't know how to navigate in the world. And so because I was so misunderstood, because I didn't feel loved. I didn't feel good enough. When I became a teenager, I really didn't understand who I was. And so I tried to find myself in relationships. Because I'm like, Well, if somebody loves me, it must mean that I'm good enough, it must mean that there's something important about me. And I think many of us understand when we go into a relationship feeling that way, we're more likely to end up in bad relationships. And that's exactly what happened. You know, the very first relationship I was in, I was abused, mentally, emotionally sexually abused, and it it only confirmed all of the horrible things that I thought about myself. You know that I don't deserve good things in the world that I'm never going to have love that
Mat Lock
ironic, isn't it? Yeah,
Bianca Thomas
right. And it just set the, it set the tone for the next few years of my life. So that relationship ended. I was in it for about four years. And after that, I was just trying to find myself and trying to understand who I was what I wanted in the world. And it was at that time that I realized, I think I'm gay. You know, I think I'm having all of these attractions to women that I've never had before. And I came to understand like, okay, yeah, like I'm, I'm bisexual, but being part of a Middle Eastern family, you know, that's, that's not a thing. You don't do that. And so I'm just really lost. Still, I still have no idea who I am even more confused. And I'm in school, at this point, getting my bachelor's degree in psychology, having no understanding of myself. I went into psych, being like, well, I want to learn about me, so I can maybe help other people didn't help at all. It made me more even more confused.
Mat Lock
No, for helping yourself anyway. Yeah,
Bianca Thomas
right. But throughout that time, the one constant thing that I had was the gym. So in that previous relationship, I really found a love for fitness and a love for the gym. And I was going to this gym. And one day, this guy approached me and started a conversation asked me out on a date, it didn't work out. But we ended up becoming incredibly good friends, and he is now a mentor of mine. And he had a podcast at that time, called the hyper conscious podcast. Now it's called Nextel, the university. They're doing incredibly. But he introduced me to the world of personal development. So I'm, I'm like, 20 v 21, at the time, and I think I know everything and I'm like, personal development is dumb. It doesn't do anything. Why am I gonna waste my time listening to this stuff? And he's like, Well, why don't you just try it? Just just listen to this one video. And tell me how you like it. So I'm like, okay. So the first video I listened to is a video of Tony Robbins, who is now like a massive idol of mine. And I listened to it. And I'm just in awe, I'm like, this is everything that I've been looking for. This is everything that I'm going to school for, like everything he's talking about is exactly it has. It has absolutely, absolutely amazing. So yeah, incredible. And so through listening to that, I just I started developing a keener awareness of myself through listening to more personal development through really looking at myself and looking into who I am. And, you know, just building that side of me. So throughout that time, I developed a really good relationship with Kevin, I develop a really good relationship with Alan, his business partner. And I decide, you know, I'm going to continue my education in psychology. I'm gonna go get my masters. And I ended up getting my master's in cognitive behavioral therapy, which is what I study now. But during this time, Kevin used to be a boy Thai fighter. And I don't know if you know what boy Thai is, but it's, it's very similar to MMA, like, very similar to that. So him and I used to spar, because I just loved I used to fight as a kid, like, I did karate as a kid. And he's like, You should go to this gym, like near where we live. It's really good. So I go there. And that's actually where I meet my business partner, Amelia. And the running joke that we have is she punched me in the face. And we became best friends after that, because that's, that's kind of what happened. Like she was an incredible fighter. And we were sparring. And we just from that built a really incredible friendship. And from that came the business that we now have, and it's really been an incredible journey of, you know, starting they're starting from this misguided person who had no idea who she was, what she wanted in the world, to, you know, the person that I am now that gets to help hundreds and 1000s of people all over the world. With the work that we're doing at Evolve ventures.
Mat Lock
Set Quite the story, let's unpack shall we?
Bianca Thomas
Please do. There's a lot that I didn't get to dive into just for time sake.
Mat Lock
Well, I'm gonna be interested. I mean, it sounded like you had this ongoing struggle growing up, struggle with yourself with the world, let's say. And I wonder when, when that realization came to you that you were bisexual or gay, was that the thing was that was that the heart of the struggle that you'd been having. And therefore, when you manage? Well, when you were at peace with that, and had that realization was that a load off the shoulders was that a turning point was that did suddenly a lot of things make sense that previously had not?
Bianca Thomas
It was a small component of it. So part of the story that I didn't really dive into is, two years ago, my parents ended up finding out, I had kept it a secret from them, they didn't know and I didn't talk about it. Because I was scared, there was a lot of shame, there was a lot of fear there was, there was a lot of chaos that came from it. So Amelia and I are still trying to build, you know, evolved ventures back then it was called the y power podcast. And we just went through a rebrand now to evolve ventures. But we're trying to build the podcast up, I had met someone after eight months, being single of just really diving into personal development, learning about myself, you know, building up my coaching practice where like, I coach and Pete other people using what I know from CBT. And I ended up meeting someone, my parents find out, and it led to me having to leave home. So I'm living with this person that I had only known for a month. And we were together for about a year. And we broke up, it was really bad breakup that, you know, led me to living on my own for the first time in my life. And it was, it was at that moment, it was through all of that, that I really came at peace with who I am and the fact that I am gay, and was really able to find that piece of myself that was missing and be able to help people even more to an even more significant degree. Because all of the work that I do with them, I was able to do for myself, and like it was tested on me. So I know it works.
Mat Lock
Yeah, I think that was yeah, probably the foundation of my question was exactly that I was interested to know had that liberation for you, therefore, transferred into your work with your clients? It seems the answer is yes. For sure. Can I ask I mean, obviously, the the shame that you speak of that sense of shame. That's based on an upbringing in a Middle Eastern culture. I'm guessing your parents are quite traditional.
Bianca Thomas
Yes, very, very much. So you know, growing up, I, we didn't really spend a lot of time around people who weren't Middle Eastern, you know, I grew up being told you might be from this country. But you are not from this country. Like you might be you might live in America, but you're not American, you're Middle Eastern. These are the values we have. These are the beliefs we have. And if you don't like it, too bad, you live under our roof. And I had a lot of resentment for it. And I think it was that, that really sparked that lack of being seen that worthlessness that on lovability, because I didn't fit, I didn't fit the mold. I wasn't the stereotypical daughter, that all of my cousins were that all of the people around us were and I was really chastised for it. always told I wasn't enough always told, verbatim that I needed to be better, I needed to be different. And so it really develop this inherent worthlessness in me, and this on lovability. Of if I'm not what other people want me to be, then I am not enough, then no one will love me.
Mat Lock
Now, I mean, then I have to say, I applaud you. It's incredible that you've taken the position you have taken the journey you have and able to communicate it so freely and willingly and use it to the advantage of others and yourself. I mean, added interest if you were if you were your own client. In that situation, what advice would you give yourself how would you approach that if you were speaking to a client of yours who was in in a similar position, that's because I think that's, as you say, tested on you, right? Yeah, you're now speaking from a personal experience, but to try and almost make it third person to flip it using CBT. How would you approach that?
Bianca Thomas
I think the beautiful thing is that every client that I have, I do see myself in them. And I think that's why a lot of the clients that I get are attracted to me because they see themselves in my story. You know, it's not that they were gay, it's that they were, in some way shape, or form the out past of their family, or they didn't fit in, or they just didn't feel good enough throughout their life. And they're looking for answers, they're looking for something, some sense of hope, some sense of a path forward in some way to change and evolve and grow. And so if I were looking back at that younger version of myself, if I were to talk to her, or if she were to become a client of mine, I think the first thing that I would do is really help her to see how those beliefs were developed. That's, that's really the first part of it, it's where did these beliefs come from? Why are they so deeply rooted in who you are? How are they impacting your day to day? And then really starting to understand, you know, how is this limiting you? How is this inhibiting you? Is this still true for you? And more often than not, the answer is no. But because we are, because we are so enmeshed in the belief structures that we have. It's all that we see. It's like, if you had a pair of red glasses stuck to your face, all you see is through the red lens. And what I do, and what I tell my clients that we're going to do is we're going to slowly try to take those glasses off, so that you can see more adaptively more functionally to more of the truth, rather than to this belief structure that you have. That isn't true anymore. If even if it was true in the past, well, is it still true for you today? Is that belief still serving you? Well, what other belief can we start to develop? How do we start to develop new beliefs. And so a lot of the work that we do is, you know, testing the belief structures, testing the thoughts, and really helping the person change how they feel about themselves, and the success that they have in their life and the actions that they're taking, based on all of that.
Mat Lock
Yeah, it's fascinating. I've got questioned firing left, right, and center in my mind. It's such a complex and intriguing discussion, isn't it? And especially as it were talking over there for a moment in third party, it's, you know, these are things that you can relate to directly. And when you said, you sort of you start with Well, where do they come from? Where do these limiting beliefs come from? You said, in your case, you were told, it was quite clear, you were told you that the outcast the black sheep, you were not you. You weren't living to the values of the family, and you were expected to do so. And even and we wanted to have gear. I mean, we born in America, were you. I was born here with the country, the country that you were born in, you're being told directly, well, you live here, but it's not you know, it's not your culture. It's not your background. It's not where you are not where you're from, let's say and that's a really tough gig. That's hard. And especially as young and impressionable people, as we are all are at some stage are where we, you know, we look to our parents and our family, don't wait for guidance in life, we believe what they tell us is true, because certainly for the first part of our life, they do nothing but bring us up and protect us and care for us and love us. And And by default, we have this very strong bond and sense of trust. Yet this dichotomy, as you're describing, because what you were being told didn't, didn't feel right, it was a struggle, it was causing conflict for you. So in that case, Is it as simple as to say that those limiting beliefs, they just Well, I know where they came from, because they were once placed onto me, instilled into me from a very early age at home, or does that just become does that become part of our part of our personality? And therefore it's a much deeper ingrained issue that actually we need to it's not as simple as saying, Well, I'm in a different situation. Now I can move on. That's not relevant anymore because it's such a such a foundation or phase of our life, isn't it? If you do help clients deal with that reconciling as opposed to be able to move on?
Bianca Thomas
Yeah, absolutely. The challenge is when we develop these beliefs, it's not just a one and done thing, we develop these beliefs, and then every experience that we go through from then on, it is filtered through that belief system. And anything that somewhat resonates, we take it in, and we take it in through those beliefs and through that lens, and anything that doesn't kind of fit, well will justify will rationalize will dismiss will avoid, we look for what confirms the belief that we have. So if you have a belief, for example, that everything is the color blue, you're gonna look for evidence to show you that that's true. And anything that doesn't fit that belief, you're going to justify it, you're going to dismiss it, you're going to ignore it, you'll fight to the death, because we as human beings, we cling to the beliefs that we hold, we cling to our identity of who we are, and
Mat Lock
want to validate, I guess, want to validate. It's absolutely, it's like the bias to Google searching. It says Google searching, it sounds like, yeah, for sure. Whatever your belief is, you can find stuff on Google to support that belief, no question.
Bianca Thomas
You can find it anywhere, anywhere. I mean, if you have a belief, let's say that people don't like you, you are going to find evidence for it. If somebody walks by you, and you wave and they don't wave back. There's a million reasons why they might not a wave back, but we're going to pick the one reason that validates the belief that we have, well, they didn't wave at me because they don't like me. And that's only going to confirm the belief that they have. So what we do in CBT, or what I do as a coach, and as a therapist is, well let's dissect that for a minute. Okay, they didn't wave at you. What other meaning could that be? Well, I saw they were on the phone, maybe they just didn't see me. Great, what else? Maybe something was going on, and they were just focused on something else. Great. What else? And I'll have them list reasons. Well, why is that not true? Why is that not true? What evidence? Do you have that that might be something different? And then we'll test it. And that's a huge part of what CBT is, it's really narrowing in on are these things that you are thinking these automatic thoughts that you are having all day, every day that are shaping your life and shaping what you do? Are they true? And even if they are true, what are you going to do about it? Are you going to allow it to consume you and to mean that your life is nothing that your life is meaningless, and therefore that you are meaningless, and that you shouldn't go on living, which is unfortunately, what happens to so many people. And even if it isn't to that extreme, they live with this sense of, I'm not good enough, I'm never going to be good enough. And I shouldn't even try. Which is why so many people stay stuck in the same cycle throughout their entire life and the same relationships, having the same problems, doing the same thing every day living these really unfulfilled, miserable, very sad lives. And this is the essence of these disorders, like major depressive disorder, anxiety, obsessive compulsive disorder, trauma, all of these different disorders, they really stem from these challenges of, I believe the world is a specific way. I believe people are a specific way. And nothing can convince me otherwise. And I'm going to stay held in these very rigid beliefs. And everything that happened is only going to validate the fact that that's what I think.
Mat Lock
And when it's subjects as close to your heart and as ingrained as your parents, for example. How, how have you reconciled that? I mean, stop me if any of this is too close to the core, by the way. No. But how? Thank you. I mean, how have you? Where are you at with that? How have you, how are you handling that? Because, yeah, parents and siblings. It doesn't get much closer to the heart than that. And so, given what you just said, I think in terms of, even if it is true, even if this believes are actually the reality, you've got to find a way to decouple from that, what are you going to do about that? And I'd love to hear your approach. Because I'm guessing that there'll be a lot of people listening to this, who can relate to this in their own way. And I think it would be really helpful to hear firsthand where you're at with it how you've approached that.
Bianca Thomas
Absolutely. So, when when everything happened, you know, my parents found out very suddenly, I didn't tell them, they found out. And so I was forced in that moment to tell them at will, I had a choice. I could have either lied, which is what my siblings told me to do. They said, don't tell them, let them just say whatever, deny it, deny, deny, deny. And I'm like, Okay, well, I have two choices, I can either do what they're telling me to do, and just deny it. Or I can have the courage to just say, I'm not gonna lie anymore. This is who I am. And you guys are going to have to learn to deal with it. And that's what I did. And I told my parents told them the truth. And it had gotten so bad being at home that I had to leave, I chose to leave, they didn't want me to, but I chose to leave. Because the toxicity of that environment was just too much to handle. And I, I really gotta be honest, the first. Honestly, throughout the entire last year, so they found out in 2020, from 2020, to 2021. Honestly, until that relationship that I was in ended, I did not handle it, well, the relationship was really bad. And because there was so much chaos in my life, I just didn't see it. And because of those patterns of I end up in bad relationships, I don't feel loved, I don't feel good enough. I once again, ended up in a bad relationship like that. And because of everything going on, I just I didn't see it, and I didn't notice it. And so during that year span, I didn't have a relationship with my parents, we didn't talk. You know, I graduated with my master's that barely, barely spoke maybe once every couple of months. And if we did, it was a braiding message from my mom, who struggles with her own mental health and who I love her so much, but really struggled with her own mental health challenges that she won't admit to. And so any any conversation that there was, it was basically her telling me that she wants nothing to do with me, and how terrible I've made her life because of my choices. So it was, it was a really bad year, like, emotionally, mentally. And I think the only thing that kept me going was my business was the work I was doing with people. And the fact that I was just taking everything I was experiencing and trying to help other people through it. And so when that relationship finally ended, when I left, that was when I decided, okay, I need to really work through this stuff. And what I did was what I would have done with any of my clients, I really sat down and analyzed, why did I end up in a situation like that, again? What are the belief structures running my parents that have led them to be able to, you know, think that way? And I am not saying any of this to say my parents are horrible people, I really don't think that I think they grew up under certain belief structures, just like all of our parents, you know, they, they have their own beliefs that they develop through their experiences, through what they went through in life that led them to believe X, Y and Z and therefore, to do whatever it was that they did. And now we're working on our relationship now. But, you know, it took me really trying to understand, why do they think the way that they do, why do they behave the way that they do? Why did I think and behave the way that I did? And what am I going to do now? How can I challenge and understand and change how I am and who I am and how I show up in the world so that that never happens again, so that I couldn't be a better version of me and so that I can give and do more in the world for everyone else. And that's honestly exactly what I ended up doing.
Mat Lock
Amazing work, and I appreciate you sharing. So candidly, I'm really interested there is that one of your techniques that you've, I think, kind of mentioned in the middle of that, that being that you, you try to understand the belief, the beliefs that your parents had, and why they had them. Where'd that come from? To better understand, I mean, surely I imagine that helps to understand their perspective. A little bit, like we said, at the beginning of this chat. Obviously, all of the stigmas that were coming from that Middle Eastern culture and your parents traditional upbringing, and so they have their own beliefs. And you use the word shame, and I assume your mother feels a sense of that you she feels as though you've cast that across the family and her and because no doubt, she maintains a lot of relationships with other people who have the same upbringing and so on. And so under trying to understand the other party's belief structure, is that part of the process to help rationalize their behavior, their actions? And therefore, does that change how it influences and impacts your own? I guess,
Bianca Thomas
it helps for know, I understand the question that helps for some people. And for some people, that is the right approach for other people, not so much. So the reason I did it was to try to understand how I can positively influence them. If I know the way you think, if I know the reason you do what you do, if I can understand you at a much more deep level at a more intimate level, I can understand how to positively influence you, how to help you how to cause positive change. And so the reason that I tried to understand my parents it in a sense, it was to justify, but I think all of us have had an experience where it's like, okay, we understand why someone did what they did, but it doesn't, it doesn't take away from its impact. And it doesn't make it okay. But what doing that did for me was just helped me to see why they did what they did. What influenced their behavior? And how can I utilize that, to try to mend the relationship to try to help them understand, to try to help them see. And now granted? That cannot work for everybody. Not everyone is capable of doing that. Not everybody? Can. Not everybody wants to do that. And I don't think everybody needs to, I think the most important part is understanding how was how does what that person did? How does that affect you? Because at the end of the day, we cannot change anybody. And that's something that I've had to really, really learn. We cannot change. Anybody people are going to do whatever they're going to do. They're going to say whatever they're going to say. They're going to think, feel, believe and behave and however they choose to. And we really have no control over it. What? Yes, no, no,
Mat Lock
you're not talking about yourself. Yes. Yes. We can't him. Yes. Other people in that way. Yeah,
Bianca Thomas
yep. But what we can control is how we respond, how we interpret, internalize and react to what other people are doing. And that's a lot of what I teach my clients. So if you were to tell me, you know, Bianca, you're, you're horrible. You're a terrible speaker. I never want you on my show again, which I hope you wouldn't say but let's just say you were to. Let's just say you were to say that. Well, how do I interpret that? Well, what does that mean to me? Do I take that to mean and again, our belief structure has a lot to do with this. If I already have a sense of worthlessness. I'm going to interpret that to mean wow, he's right. I am terrible. It's that's going to cause me to feel sad, depressed, probably angry, whatever else and then what am I going to do about it? Well, I might lash out. How dare you say that to me? How are you going to talk to me like that? I might lash out at other people, right? This is where the word karma, for example, there's actually scientific evidence to show that karma is true. In CBT. It's called reciprocal determinism. So kind of to break that down, it means the situations that we experience in life, they impact us. I interpret what's going on in a specific way. I create a meaning, I communicate that meaning to myself, it causes me to feel a certain way. And then I act on that my behavior and how I choose to act on that. It impacts everything around me. So if you were to say that terrible mean thing to me, I internalize it, I take it to mean it's true. He's right. I'm horrible. I'm whatever, I it causes me to feel sad. And then I go out in the world, and I'm angry to everyone around me. That's karma. Because you are putting something out there. And what's going to happen? You're having you're angry, you're driving in the car, you hit someone's car by accident, because you're having road rage, well, then they're going to come to you, and it's going to, you know, whatever ends up happening, but That's karma. So, what I have my clients do, and what I did for myself was, you pause, and you try to reflect, I mean, you can't do this in the moment right away, you have to systemize it, you know, so what I'll have them do is something called a thought record. So we'll analyze any experience that they previously had, right? So let's say, I have a client who had a conversation with their mom that really hurt them, and they didn't like how they behaved afterwards. So I'm like, Okay, well, let's break that apart. What happened? And they'll tell me the situation, they'll lay it out completely. I'll say, Okay, what did you feel in that moment? I felt really angry. Okay, would you do when you were angry? Well, I lashed out at my mom. Okay. What caused you to feel that? What was what was the meaning you gave to that situation? What were the thoughts going on in your head? Well, I had the thought that my mom doesn't care about me. Or whatever, it ends up being right. And most people can understand in a moment how they feel. But what most people can't do is understand what is the meaning I gave to that situation? That led me to feel that way. So what we do is we try to help them understand how are you interpreting the situations that you are going through? What belief is that triggering? How are you interpreting what's going on through the lens of that belief? And then what we do is we start doing more and more and more of these thought records to where people can start to notice patterns. Oh, okay. Well, I know when my mom says this, I interpret it to mean this, therefore, I feel this and then I do this. It's like, okay, now you know, the pattern. Once you can start understanding the pattern, you're more likely to catch it when it happens.
Bianca Thomas
So let's say you know, you're gonna go see your mom later. Okay. Well, I know whenever I see my mom, I start feeling this way. Okay, well, what are the things I can do to help myself in that moment? What can I say to myself? How can I communicate a new meaning to myself in that moment, so that I don't interpret what she says as this? And so then I don't feel this way. And that so then that way, I don't behave in this way.
Mat Lock
Because it's hard in the moment, right? That's, that's the very hard in the moment. Sure, especially after years of ingrained response, like automated, by snap, feel a certain way would and then behave in a certain way. So what most of us do? Yeah, sure. And so you're talking about just being a lot more installing triggers to make it a more conscious process, you're pre empting something by reliving it and thinking about and installing behavior, new behaviors in anticipation of the next time that situation occurs. Right? And what do your clients what tend to be the biggest hurdles for people what, what what's the most common hurdle or hurdles that you face with clients? And obviously then how do you help them overcome that I'm not I'm not looking for a free session here, by the way, but
Bianca Thomas
Yeah, no worries. I would be at listen, I'm We'll be more than happy, I'd be more than happy to do that. Something that I've come to understand is most people come to me saying they want to work on this certain thing, not realizing it's something else that they really want to work on. It's like they want it, they come to me wanting to work on their fitness. And what they don't understand. And what we end up understanding later on is it's not a fitness thing. It's their worth. It's not, it's not that they keep ending up in this relationship, it's that they don't love themselves. So, yes, there's a similar theme, to a lot of the people that I've coached. And a lot of the people that I've worked with, is that sense of unworthiness is that sense of on lovability is that sense of nothing in their life seems to be going right, and they just need help getting out of it. And so one of my clients in particular, I mean, she came to me, initially, it was fitness, she just wanted help losing weight. And because I used to do fitness coaching, so we started working on fitness. And what we really started to develop was she had pretty severe PTSD, post traumatic stress disorder that she didn't even realize she had. Wow. And so she came to me wanting to work on fitness. And we ended up working on her PTSD, working through a lot of the shame that she had about herself, the challenges she had been through the belief structures that she had. And through, I think it was about six to eight months of working with me, she was actually able to start her own fitness company, and now helps like hundreds of women all over the world do a lot of the work that I did with her.
Mat Lock
That's amazing. And it must be it must be so rewarding for you to know that you're having such a positive ripple effect. And the same is true for that client, though. She also is helping hundreds of others. I mean, fascinating, really, when you think. And I'm guessing there's an element of attraction here. As in what out of the sea of fitness coaches that are out there, she landed on you. And was sounds like very fortunate because you're so much more than just a fitness trainer. And I don't mean to be derogatory, you know that.
Bianca Thomas
I know. We have a huge amount of fitness trainers
Mat Lock
in our network. But you know what I mean? Like, a lot of fitness trainers don't have the extra education and skill sets that you do that you've done, yes. And what you do for a living so she was, I'm gonna say fortunate, but it probably didn't happen by accident. Meant to find you, let's say,
Bianca Thomas
yeah. What she said attracted her to me. So I actually don't do fitness coaching anymore. That's what I initially started doing. And I ended up transitioning into more of like, life coaching. And now it's the cognitive behavioral therapy and success coaching. So I really combine those two aspects. And that's what my clients now get. But I initially did fitness coaching. And she said, What attracted her to me was the amount of vulnerability and the rawness that I expressed in the things that I posted. So as I've as I've kind of demonstrated here, I don't have a problem talking about anything, I'll talk about whatever. Because if we, if we limit what we talk about, and if we hide, we're not giving people real value, at least that's what I believe. And so I was always very, very raw, and very honest and very open and what I talked about, and the struggles that I went through and the beliefs that I had, that were really inhibiting me. And that's what drew her to want to work with me. You know, she saw that I was getting people results with the fitness component. But she said what she really needed was that ability to really talk about what she was going through, and I emulated that and that's what attracted her. And a lot of the clients that I work with now, they say very similar things that they feel like they finally were given the courage to talk about the things that they never were able to talk about before. Or they finally understood parts of themselves that they never knew before that they didn't talk about or were afraid to talk about or never even thought about that are really holding them back from getting the things that they wanted.
Mat Lock
Yeah, it's incredible, isn't it? I mean, you've created what is a very privileged position and you've created that you've earned that but to have the ability For people to share their innermost thoughts and be in a position to be supported through a process of taking steps forward that they perhaps wouldn't have done on their own. I mean, that's, that's incredible. And I am so glad that the planet has people like you on it, frankly, very much. Who do you tend to work with? Who I mean, so for the audience listening to this, and this is evergreen. So who do you work with? Who would reach out to you who would what, what are the most common just to give people some context for the other most common topics that seem to pop up that you're attracting people to you in particular?
Bianca Thomas
I really work with anybody and everybody. I mean, I've, like I said, I've had people come to me, initially wanting to do fitness, and that they ended up realizing it was much deeper than that I've had people come to me, saying I keep ending up in the same relationship pattern, and I need help. And it ended up being something much different. People who are unhappy in their life unhappy in their marriages, people who are unhappy in their jobs, who want more who are stuck in similar patterns that I was in, in my past, you know, it's never been one specific, I guess, problem. But it's, it's been people who are just finally ready to make change in their life, people who are ready to, you know, dive into these conversations, who are ready to dive into themselves and learn about themselves and who are ready to just finally make change in their life. You know, a lot of the people that I work with, they've tried for years and years and years and have never been able to make any change, or to have anything be different. And they will, they've worked with me and, you know, three months, six months, a year, their lives are completely different.
Mat Lock
Yeah, incredible. Okay, well, I'm for sure, in the shownotes, we will put all of the links, so people can reach out and make contact with them directly. And of course, to your podcast. I'm conscious of time. Um, is there anything else you'd like to share? Based on what we've discussed today? If Have I missed anything, or anything you'd like to just touch back on? Or reinforce? Or anything at all, really? This page? Yeah,
Bianca Thomas
absolutely. I think the last part that I will say, and the last point that I will make is, so many of us feel like we are stuck and inhibited by our past. And by the experiences that we've been through, and we feel like things will never change. And I have been there. And all of the clients that I've worked with, they've all been there and all of the incredible people that I've gotten to interview on, you know, on my show, they've all been there too. And the message that I want to say is change is absolutely possible. Like, you can have anything and everything that you want, as long as you're willing to just get in the mud a little bit, and work through it. And I've had the absolute pleasure and honor and gift and blessing of getting to help people do that. And even if it's not me, if it's any, any other coach, you know, just take that chance on yourself. Take that chance to go work with somebody. Because I've had the real honor and the blessing of meeting some of the people that I've met who I've worked with who have coached me and who have mentored me, and it made the greatest impact in my life. And it really is the reason why I am where I am today.
Mat Lock
Yeah, fantastic. I think you summed it up perfectly there. So, obviously, thank you so much. And to our listeners. Thank you all so for listening. And if you've enjoyed this, please go ahead and share it and leave us a review on whichever platform you're using. It really does help more than you know. And if you're interested in grabbing a copy of my book lead by example, which talks about how you can unleash your potential at work and in life. I'd love to send it to you if you go to the impact project.io And take a dive down the rabbit hole it'll be on your doorstep in no time at all. My thanks again to Bianca we'll be posting this sorry, we're posting all of the various links to Bianca socials, her podcast and our website, etc, etc in the show notes, as always, and until next time, just get gritty about kicking your goals and go and make an impact on the world.
Bianca Thomas
Thank you so much.
