Mat Lock:
Melissa Wu, welcome back to The Unleashing Potential Podcast. It is a pleasure to have you back.
Melissa Wu:
Thanks for having me.
Mat Lock:
And for those who haven’t yet listened to the first episode with you, and if you haven’t and you’re listening now, I’d encourage you to go back and listen to an amazing story that is Melissa’s life so far, that saw her at the Beijing Olympics and leaving with a silver medal in Beijing, which is incredible. But just in case someone hasn’t listened to that, just Melissa, could you just give us a short version of who you are please?
Melissa Wu:
Yeah, sure. Okay. Well, I’ve been diving for about 18 years now. I’ve been to three Olympic Games, four Commonwealth Games and I’ve won an Olympic silver medal. Basically started competing internationally from the age of 13 and went to my first Olympics when I was 16 and it’s still going all these years. Doing pretty well and basically still trying to give it my best shot for Tokyo, which will now be in Tokyo 2021.
Mat Lock:
Yeah, that’s right. Yeah, I have to think as well. Yeah, no, absolutely. Thank you. An amazing career so far. Obviously I look forward to seeing how you go in Tokyo next year. We will all be watching.
Melissa Wu:
Fingers crossed.
Mat Lock:
No pressure. I mean we spent quite a bit of time talking about your career so far, and during that conversation it came out that at some point you moved from Brisbane to Sydney. Needed a change, and I’m not sure if you’re aware of it, certainly we as a company, The Bay Games, we’re closely aligned now with R U OK? here in Australia and the equivalent of R U OK? in about five other countries. And certainly a big push for us is around mental health, suicide prevention, which is very real for many people in this world. And even if we haven’t personally had a relative or friend suffer with it, then we know someone who has. That’s the reality of it.
Mat Lock:
Thankfully, there’s a lot more awareness around it today and with organisations like R U OK? and about starting a conversation and even giving support for people for how to have that conversation, which is awesome, but we’re doing our bit as much as we can and trying to raise awareness as well.
Mat Lock:
But the subject for this episode, as you and I talked about before, is around the subject of mental health. And we talked about the pressure of course, at such a young age, competing at the highest level. And you mentioned in there that when you started shifting away from synchro diving to individual competition, your words, you choked, you find that you were choking, the pressure was too much for you. Could you just talk to us a little bit about that, if you’re comfortable to do so. Just how that was, what you think was causing that and how you’ve gone about dealing with that and improving that.
Melissa Wu:
Yeah, sure. So from a young age, I’ve been pretty lucky because not everyone gets paired with a good partner to be able to do synchro. But basically from the start of my career, I had a couple of really good synchro pairings and had a lot of success there. So my silver medal at my first Commonwealth Games was in synchro. My silver medal at the Olympics was in synchro, even though they were with two different partners. Still synchro medals.
Mat Lock:
You were the common denominator, okay.
Melissa Wu:
I’ll go with that. So I had a lot of success in that, but at the same time I was still also competing in individual. It took me a lot longer in individual to have good results there. So it was a bit of a safety net when I was younger to compete in both events. And I always did not too bad in individual, but I never did a comp where I put my best performance forward. And that wasn’t because I wasn’t capable. It’s because, like I said, I put it down to I guess choking and not having that person there with me to dive next to me. I always felt a lot more nervous going into individual competitions than I did in synchro competitions.
Melissa Wu:
And I think I always felt when I competed in individual comps, already going in, I knew I didn’t really believe in myself and not that I wasn’t confident, I think I was confident, but I think having that real self belief and knowing in yourself that you can do it, that’s what I definitely was missing. And I think as I got older and I had the pressure put on me a little bit more, I really struggled a lot with that and always just felt a bit like I kept missing medals that I should have been able to win and I failed to meet expectations and I showed a lot internally. And I’ve always been a bit of like a kind of shy and reserved sort of person, so as a teen, it took its toll on me and I ended up just feeling really bad about myself.
Melissa Wu:
And after my first Olympics I moved to a different coach. We didn’t get along. He kind of always found ways to kind of frustrate me and made me miss school and things like that. And I felt like he was just doing it on purpose and I ended up just really unhappy, which is what kind of forced me to move to Sydney because I actually wanted to quit the sport. But actually I had depression and anxiety and for me, I just felt a bit stuck there in that point in time, which was a bit of a struggle. So in the years following I had to work really hard to get on top of that.
Mat Lock:
Yeah, sure. I appreciate you sharing a very candid answer. Are you happy to talk about some of the strategies that have been put in place? Have you worked on it? Because I know that a lot of people listening to this or watching this, I mean we all have our demons at the end of the day, so asking for a friend. No, I mean really, I mean if you’re willing to share just some of the actual strategies that you put in place that you have found useful and that have worked for you.
Melissa Wu:
Yeah, for sure. So I think like the number one thing that I had to do when I was in sort of a dark place was make that big decision to change, to do something different. So I was really unhappy with where I was. And like I said, I felt a bit stuck there and I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know how to get out of it. I knew I wasn’t feeling good mentally, it wasn’t enjoying diving. So for me it came down to moving to a different state when I was 17 years old, which was a big move. And obviously my mum was not that happy with me leaving in the state that I was in. But I think that was really good of her to let me do that because it gave me a chance to kind of be out in the world on my own a bit and figure things out and that really helped.
Melissa Wu:
And I moved to Sydney and I’ve been training with the same coach since I’ve been here and he’s been awesome from the get go. And having him as a really good support for me was super helpful. So I think that first step was just taking that actionable step that was going to help me to overcome things. That was a physical kind of move.
Melissa Wu:
And then mentally I think basically, I had to work really hard to just see things differently, even if I couldn’t see myself differently. Just kind of stop having this narrow focused kind of mentality and just appreciate the little things, appreciate the opportunities that I had and see the good things and be a bit more grateful. And then I got to a point where I was happy in my life, but my diving, there’s still something kind of missing there and it was good, but it wasn’t great and I still lacked that real kind of self belief.
Melissa Wu:
So even though mentally I’d made a lot of improvement, there’s still something I had to work on. So it would have been about maybe six years ago, I started seeing a mindset coach and I’ve been seeing him ever since. And he’s just kind of… I don’t know, we just gel together. He’s very positive and everything that he does is based on a programme that he created called the boomerang effect, which is basically what you put out is what you get back. And he was the first person that kind of make me maybe take responsibility like how I was feeling, I guess, in a nice way basically. I couldn’t make any excuses with him. There was no option but to be positive. And I think my family had always done that for me, but I think just having someone external really helped me and we’ve made a lot of progress over the years and with him, I’ve been able to start having that self belief, and he first of all changed how I felt about myself, and then that had that follow on effective to diving and everything else I was doing.
Mat Lock:
Oh, fantastic. It’s great that you found him as a resource, and you’re welcome to give him a shout guys if you’d like to.
Melissa Wu:
Oh yeah. He’s John Novak. And John Novak, boomerang effect. That’s him on Instagram.
Mat Lock:
I’m guessing he’s Australian.
Melissa Wu:
He is. I don’t know what his background is, some sort of European type thing.
Mat Lock:
All right. But he’s settled, judging by the name of his programme.
Melissa Wu:
Oh, boomerang effect, yeah. Exactly. Very Aussie. [crosstalk 00:13:11] Yeah, love it.
Mat Lock:
Very good. Out of interest, I mean, is John a hypnotherapist or what is he? What’s the basis of…?
Melissa Wu:
So he used to be an athlete. He used to be a fighter. Then he’s done, I can’t even name all the things that he’s done. But basically a lot of study. He was in politics and that kind of thing for a while as well. So he’s done a lot. But basically he’s put all his years of experience and research and working with people into creating basically the boomerang effect. So yeah, it’s all based on, like I said, what you put out is what you get back. And even though it’s pretty simple, it’s all about positivity and I think you don’t really realise sometimes how negative your outlook can be. And even though I’ve been working with him for six years, I still find the same thing. We’d be doing something like, why am I thinking about that? Just be positive. But it is really hard to do. And you kind of condition yourself to always look for these negatives or all that kind of thing.
Melissa Wu:
So basically there’s a lot that goes into it and I’ve worked very closely with him in basically overcoming all the things sort of personal to me. Just kind of acknowledging some of the things that I have done well and building from the ground up from there and just trying to change how I think about myself and what I’m doing, and then that’s kind of enabled me to get that real self belief in me again.
Mat Lock:
Cool. And would you say, given that The Bay Games audiences, we’re all about everyday, a mindset coach is really only for the elite athletes or if we had someone who was a competitive everyday athlete, then a mindset coach is something or someone you would recommend?
Melissa Wu:
Yeah, for sure. Because like I said, most of the things that we worked on were for number one to help me first as a person and those things helped me in all aspects of my life. So not just my sporting career but everything else. And like what happened for my whole life, if you don’t have that number one thing right and correct, no matter what you do, no matter how many hours I trained or whatever I did in diving, because I didn’t have that first, I couldn’t compete to the best of my ability. I couldn’t get the best out of myself, both in and out of the pool. I would really recommend… Anything. He’s awesome. Any strategy that you find helps. Sometimes it doesn’t always have to be about the sport or being an athlete or the things that you’re doing and you want to excel at. Sometimes just peeling back those layers and trying to find a way to be happy, healthy. They’re the main things.
Mat Lock:
Well, it’s the foundation, isn’t it?
Melissa Wu:
Yeah, exactly.
Mat Lock:
The inner self is the foundation for everything we do, the way we interact with people, the way we perform in any aspect of our life. No doubt about it. Obviously, to compete at the level you have and do, obviously super focused, very dedicated and disciplined. Now, I know you in 2014 you suffered a tragedy in your family and we’d be interested to hear how you managed, both for yourself and your family, to get through that and still continue to compete and have that sort of focus for the sport and everything else. If you’re happy to share that with us.
Melissa Wu:
Yeah, yeah, sure. Yeah. I would say that’s the number one worst thing that’s happened to me and I think it always will be. It’s been a real struggle for my family and it still is. And people say that time heals all wounds, but I actually disagree with that. I think it almost gets worse over time actually. But for us, like I said in our previous podcast, my family has always been like a real tight knit family and we were a pretty big family and we’ve always supported each other to get through no matter what. And that situation was no different. It kind of brought us closer together, but we haven’t found a way to, I guess, overcome it. I don’t really think… Everyone has their view, but me personally, I don’t feel like there’s a way to overcome it. You just kind of learn how to live with it and then just learning to live with it gets a little easier maybe.
Mat Lock:
Yeah, sure. For the listener, because I only stated the year, I didn’t actually say what happened. Kirsten your sister took her life in 2014. Was she your older or younger sister?
Melissa Wu:
Younger.
Mat Lock:
She was the youngest.
Melissa Wu:
One year younger, yeah.
Mat Lock:
Right. Okay. So that’s what we’re alluding to in what we’re just talking about. And obviously desperately sorry for your loss, but certainly how you handled, as you said you were a close knit family.
Melissa Wu:
Yeah. Yeah. We couldn’t really imagine… Life was never going to be the same and literally in that month or so after, I just couldn’t do anything. I couldn’t live life anymore. I didn’t know what to do, how to do it and just that feeling is like someone crushing your heart constantly and like you’re trying to do something normal and all of a sudden something would just take your breath away and it would hit you like all over again. So basically for my family, we all decided, it was probably about a month, to just go back to our sport and just kind of be around people again and try and get some kind of a routine and bit of-
Mat Lock:
A bit distracted almost.
Melissa Wu:
Yeah, a bit of a distraction and something. That was actually really helpful for us and I think in that regard, having our sport actually kind of helped us. It’s not that it helped to get… Basically it’s helped us to get through it or learn to live with it rather than overcoming it. I still think we haven’t really figured out how to do that. But the more I was at training, the more I kind of enjoyed it and I guess I learned to appreciate it again all over again. It’s something that I enjoyed and something to help distract me and take my mind off things and give me that routine. Because I had that long career as an athlete, it took me a while actually to kind of get back into it.
Melissa Wu:
I just kind of kept striving for the next thing, next thing, next thing, which then spurred me on to get to the Olympics and that kind of thing. But actually I struggled a lot physically when I first went back to it and I lost a bit of weight, and I’m not like a big person, so a few kilos for me is a lot and kind of changed my whole sort of body shape and everything. I struggled with power, and I can’t even explain it. It was weird. I just felt heavy when I was rotating and it didn’t feel right for a long time.
Melissa Wu:
So it took me a long time to kind of get back to normal, which is something I just couldn’t understand. No matter how hard I tried, it just didn’t work. And I knew it was just an emotional kind of thing and just everything. But eventually, it all kind of started clicking again and I just kind of reset set my goals and kept working towards the next thing and the next thing and getting back to trying to get the best out of myself.
Mat Lock:
Sure. Absolutely. Thank you for sharing. And of course Kirsten’s name, obviously her memory lives on for all of you, but her name lives on, which is where you alluded to HrdKAW Strength, which is a business that you’ve co founded that with your brother.
Melissa Wu:
Yeah, it is. Yeah, yeah.
Mat Lock:
Give him a shout out if you’d like.
Melissa Wu:
Yeah. So my brother is Josh Wu. He’s a weightlifter. He’s also a weightlifting coach, for anyone who’s interested. We started HrdKAW Strength together. It’s H-R-D-K-A-W. So the K-A-W is Kirsten’s initials, Kirsten Amelia Wu and we dedicated our business in her name and she loved baking. She wanted to have a bakery called HrdKAW Cakes or whatever she wanted to call it. And she wanted to have it on her number plate and everything. So we kind of stole it, I guess.
Mat Lock:
I don’t think she’d mind.
Melissa Wu:
No, probably wouldn’t want. So it’s good. It’s good to have part of her as part of our business and we always love keeping her close to heart, which is also why Havok my other business is spelled H-A-V-O-K. So we kept the K for her with that too. So she lives on in all of us and I know she’s watching over us all the time.
Mat Lock:
I’m sure. The strap line be fierce, be humble, be kind. Was that associated with Kirsten as well? Did that kind of speak to who she was or is that more about the two of you?
Melissa Wu:
I think it’s kind of everything. Because we are such a close knit family, it is kind of what Josh and I are about. But our whole family are very similar with our values and things that are important to us. So I think that those things definitely also explain exactly what the kind of person that Kirsten is, but it’s also kind of a whole family thing as well.
Mat Lock:
No, sure. That’s great. And whereabouts are you based? Where is HrdKAW?
Melissa Wu:
So we have basically like a garage gym, which I’m sitting at the moment. So it’s quite well equipped and we run out of here, but we also-
Mat Lock:
It looks it, in the background. Certainly, yes.
Melissa Wu:
Yeah, you can kind of see it. That’s the gym. And my brother also coaches out of CrossFit 2147. So he coaches his weightlifting club out of there. And also he started an only for kids weightlifting programme, for kids aged about three to 10 years old. So kind of operate out of both at the moment.
Mat Lock:
Fantastic. Well, you’re certainly all keeping busy, which is great. It’s the only way.
Melissa Wu:
Yeah, it is, exactly.
Mat Lock:
And certainly we’re all looking forward to getting the COVID-19 pandemic under control for the good of everyone, including ourselves so we can-
Melissa Wu:
I know. Yeah. I can’t wait.
Mat Lock:
Normality.
Melissa Wu:
Yeah, exactly.
Mat Lock:
You’re waiting to release your next range of Havok athletic clothing and are you waiting because you can’t get it out of China? I assume it’s coming from China.
Melissa Wu:
Yeah, it is. No, I can. I think they’re all back to normal now, but just here, I thought I’d wait because everyone’s kind of stuck at home. Because I’m a fairly new business, I just thought better to wait a little bit longer and then when everyone’s kind of coming out of their home training gyms, it’ll give them something to look forward to. Some nice new gear. Yeah, it just gives me a bit more time as well to bring out things, the best quality and everything for the next collection.
Mat Lock:
I was kind of gutted that you have sold out of the burger t-shirt. I quite liked that.
Melissa Wu:
That one went first.
Mat Lock:
One of the company’s had donuts on some shorts, but they sold out like that too. Donuts, what’s going on?
Melissa Wu:
Can’t say no to food, hey. Love it.
Mat Lock:
No. Very good. Melissa, thank you again for your time and for sharing some very personal details there. I really appreciate it. It’s been lovely chatting with you.
Melissa Wu:
Yeah, you too. Thanks again.
Mat Lock:
If people want to reach out and get in touch with you or find out more about Havok or HrdKAW, for sure I’ll put all of the links in the show notes. If they want to reach out to you personally, what’s the easiest way to do that?
Melissa Wu:
Yeah, so personally, probably Instagram’s the best. You can DM me. My Instagram is @melissapaigewu, so can either send a message to there or my emails also at the top or in my bio there as well.
Mat Lock:
Fantastic. And as I say, I’ll make sure all of the different links are in the show notes so that. Thank you once again, and we’ll speak before then, but we’ll look forward to watching you in Tokyo.
Melissa Wu:
Hopefully. Thank you very much.
Mat Lock:
Take care.
Melissa Wu:
Thanks.
